WTB: Best joke..?

[its_bacon12 10+ year member]

ok ok i know its for sale forum and for car audio but here it goes

i hav 6.78 chillin in paypal thats just bugging me so i figured id do this : best joke in this thread gets $6.78 paypal

fire away //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/biggrin.gif.d71a5d36fcbab170f2364c9f2e3946cb.gif

WARNING: may contain offensive material so leave all political, religous and personal beleifs out of this thread please //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif

edit: 6.5 hours left as of 2:30 pm 02/17/05

Click to read more...

 

[James Bang 5,000+ posts]

I won. lol

so one day i asked DBfan187 if he thought he was smart.

he said yes.

so i replied, what are you? stupid?

j/k

 

[its_bacon12 10+ year member]

lol this thread is over 2 years old

 

[ThomasG 5,000+ posts]

The anal sex week one was the best haha

 

[its_bacon12 10+ year member]

what page was that lol

 

[robertspangler 10+ year member]

ok there was 4 gay guys that were all in a relationship together, well one of them died in a car accedent, and his wish was to be creamated, so the other 3 cremate him and split his ashes up, well one day the 3 of them were out getting a drink and started talking about the dead one. gay guy 1 asks gay guy 2 what are u going to do with your ashes gay guy 2 responds i think im going to go skydiving and when i pull my shoot im going to throw his ashes everywhere in the sky because u know how he liked to go skydiving, then guy 2 asks guy 1 what he was going to do with his ashes he said im going to go on a deep sea fishing charter and when i hook a big one im going to throw his ashes in to the ocean becuase u know how he liked to fish, they guy 1 and 2 asks guy 3 what he was going to do with his ashes, he said "IM GOING TO GO DOWN TO THE LOCAL RESTURANT GET THE BIGGEST AND THE HOTTEST BOWL OF CHILLI AND DUMP THE ASHES IN IT AND EAT IT". guy 1 and 2 were grossed out and kept asking why woudl he do that that is nasty and guy 3 said " BECAUSE I WANT TO FEEL HIM SLAM ME IN THE ASS ONE MORE TIME " HAH

 

[ThomasG 5,000+ posts]

lol nasty

 

[DBfan187 5,000+ posts]

An 18 year old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You try again."

 

[billabongcr 5,000+ posts]

An 18 year old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You try again."

aint that the truth

 

[jonnybusa 10+ year member]

There are 2 ***** in the shower fooling around when the phone rings.

The 1 **** says, "I'm gonna go answer the phone....you better no *** while I'm gone!!!!!"

The 2nd **** says, "Dont worry, I wont, I wont!!!!"

So 10 minutes later the 1st **** returns back to the bathroom, and looks in the shower and sees *** all over the tub, walls, and shower curtain.

Pissed off, he says...."I thought I told you NOT to ***??"

The 2nd **** replies, "I didnt.............I farted!"

 

[its_bacon12 10+ year member]

There are 2 ***** in the shower fooling around when the phone rings.The 1 **** says, "I'm gonna go answer the phone....you better no *** while I'm gone!!!!!"

The 2nd **** says, "Dont worry, I wont, I wont!!!!"

So 10 minutes later the 1st **** returns back to the bathroom, and looks in the shower and sees *** all over the tub, walls, and shower curtain.

Pissed off, he says...."I thought I told you NOT to ***??"

The 2nd **** replies, "I didnt.............I farted!"

ooollldddddd

 

[jonnybusa 10+ year member]

ok...........I have hundreds..............

**** walks into a deli, and walks up to the counter.

The cashier says, "May I help you?"

"Yea" the **** replies.........."Do you have a stick of salami?"

The cashier says "Yea....do ya want that sliced?"

The **** says "What do you think my ass is, a piggy bank?!?!?"

 

[jonnybusa 10+ year member]

What do you get when you cross a mexican and an oriental?

A car thief that cant drive.

how do you keep a black kid from jumping on the bed?

put velcro on the cieling.

One day a mother decides to take a bath, and brings her little daughter in w/ her.

While bathing, the daughter looks at moms vag, and says "mommy, whats that?"

The first thing she though of was "oh, thats my washcloth."

"Oh" says the little girl, and no more is said.......

A week later, one night, the mom decides to shave her whole vag for her husband in the sack, and the next morning she and the little girl are in the bathtub again.......The daughter excitedly says "mommy, where's your washcloth at?!?!?!?"

Qiuckly again, mom comes up w/ "ummmmmm, i lost it last night, and cant find it!"

Again, the little girl says "oh" and loses interest.

A few days go by and the daughter runs into the kitchen where mom is, and excitedly screams "MOMMY, MOMMY........I FOUND YOUR WASHCLOTH YOU LOST!!!"

Mom, confused, says "where, where?"

The girl screams "THE MAID HAS IT, AND SHE'S WASHING DADDY'S FACE W/ IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!"

 

[UndercoverPunk 5,000+ posts]

Oldie, but goodie.

2 guys are ****in, the apartent catches on fire. Who makes it out first?

 

[its_bacon12 10+ year member]

who cares

 

[UndercoverPunk 5,000+ posts]

The guy on the bottom. He already had his **** packed.