WTB: Best joke..?

[its_bacon12 10+ year member]

ok ok i know its for sale forum and for car audio but here it goes

i hav 6.78 chillin in paypal thats just bugging me so i figured id do this : best joke in this thread gets $6.78 paypal

fire away //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/biggrin.gif.d71a5d36fcbab170f2364c9f2e3946cb.gif

WARNING: may contain offensive material so leave all political, religous and personal beleifs out of this thread please //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif

edit: 6.5 hours left as of 2:30 pm 02/17/05

Click to read more...

 

[galacticmonkey 5,000+ posts]

Whats black, blue, and hates sex?

The 8 year old boy in my trunk.

 

[c_hayhurst 10+ year member]

Old thread, but here are a few, just for fun:

How do Chinese People decide what to name their kids?

They thow silverware down some stairs and name them after the sounds- Ching Chang Chung...

Why do Mexicans have small steering wheels in their cars? So they can drive with handcuffs on

What's orange and sits in a cage on my front porch?

My ni**er and I'll paint him any **** color I want (this is a personal favorite)

What's black and purple and orange gold and red and yellow and green and blue?

The congregation of a black church

Why do black people smell?

So blind people can hate them, too

Why do men beat their wives?

Because they just...don't...listen!... (grit teeth and pound fist into palm at each pause- it's more a visual joke)

Death! The amazing new cure for AIDS!

^^^ It's okay to laugh at these kinds of jokes as long as you realize that they are so WRONG and in such incredibly bad taste which is what makes them funny.

 

[cbriggs89 10+ year member]

Everyone may have heard these already, but I learned them from a black guy at work.

What's the difference between a black guy and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

What's long, black and smells funny?

The welfare line

What's the difference between a black guy and a bucket of ****?

The bucket

What do you call a bunch of white guys running down a hill?

Avalanche

What do you call a bunch of black guys running down a hill?

Mud slide

What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?

Jail break

What do you do when you wake up and see your tv floating across the room?

Turn on the light and shoot the black guy

What do you call a bus full of black guys falling off a cliff?

A miracle

Another one that my uncle told me:

John and Sally are in a preschool class together, and are good friends. One day John sees his dad climbing out of the shower and asks what that thing between his legs is. His father replies, "it's a car, you should try to park your car in as many garages as you can before you get out of high school." At the same time, Sally sees her mother getting out of the shower, and asks, "what's that between your legs?" Her mother replies, "It's my garage. Don't let anyone try to park their car in your garage until you're married." The next day, Sally comes home from school will blood all over her hands, and her mother asks, "What happened to you at school?!" Sally replies, "John tried to park his car in my garage today, so I ripped off his back wheels."

Not that funny, I know, but I just read through the entire thread and figured I should add something.

And btw, I'M NOT RACIST OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, THESE ARE ALL JUST JOKES, NOTHING MORE.

 

[BallinByNature 10+ year member]

what is snoop doggs favoritve part of the rain

the drizzle

 

[honkyg 10+ year member]

so 2 black guys from n.y.c. are on their way to florida for a stripper convention in late september, while travelin' through south carolina's back roads the car breaks down, and the closest service station was 30 miles back, luckily a farmer does the hospitable thing and pulls over to see if he could help, they all finally agree after scratchin their heads and asses that theres no way to get it back to the last town without a wrecker, so the farmer offers to bring them to his farm to use the phone, they gladly accept and away they go..... one guy uses the phone to call the service station the farmer recommended, he was disappointed to hear that a wrecker wasnt available seeing that it was the sabbath, and noone in those parts work on the sabbath,.... he tells the farmer the debacle theyre in, and the farmer offers to put them up for the night out in the barn, they both talk it over and decide that would be the best thing they could do at the time and proceed to thank the farmer,... before any thanks could be said, the farmer hears a ruckus upstairs and remembers to tell the guys hes got a teenage daughter that means the world to him, and by no means are they to act upon her sexual advances that she is well known for in their county, "or else" the farmer says, and that was it, the 2 friends go out to the barn and retire for the night....... so, midnight rolls around, and the 2 were startled out of sleep from the daughter checking up on them to make sure they were not cold or uncomfortable, they both notice she pretty **** hot and start flirtin with her, she starts to emphasize that shes never been with 2 men before, let alone, 2 black men, so one thing leads to another and shes soon on all fours acting like a set of chinese finger cuffs, after her face looks like a glazed donut, the 2 guys fall back asleep naked and smellin like ba-dussy,..... morning comes and the farmer ventures out to the barn to get the guys on their way, he opens the door, takes one look at the 2 and runs back to the house to get his scattergun, he returns to the barn and rudely awakens the 2 with a 12 guage pointed at em, he then confronts them about why they were both naked and soon gets the truth out of em, so he says " remember what i told you?....... grrrrrrrrr, come with me, the both of ya's", he leads them to a clearing overlooking his pastures and orchards and says while panning the shotgun between the 2 " now, im gonna give you boys a chance, i want the 2 of ya to go out yonder and pick me 100 pieces of fruit each, i dont care what fruit it is, just get me 100 of em, bring em back, and i tell you what to do next" so they oblige....... 1 guy finds himself a half an acre of vinyard that the farmer's been tending to make wine, " should be easy" he says to himself, so he picks 100 grapes, binds em up in his shirt, and makes his way back to the farmer, tired and thirsty, he drops the grapes at the farmers feet and says, "what next boss?", the farmer says, " alright!, you gotta get all those grapes to fit in your ass, and ill let you go, or else you'll be breathin' through a hole in yer chest!!!", he finds it very strange, but realizes he has no choice........... 10, 20, 30, grapes he gets up in there, and suddenly starts laughing hysterically, causing him to **** out all the grapes, the farmer looks and says " you better try again, my turtles in the pond need to eat, and yur lookin' mighty tasty right now",.... he collects himself and attempts to do the farmers bidding,..... 40, 50, 60 grapes he gets up to, but then starts laughing like before and shits em all out again, the farmer was not happy, "alright, ya little hooligan, im giving you only 1 more chance, and you better do it, or else!!!", one last chance is all he thought about, so he was gonna make it count,......70, 80, 90, 91,92,93...... by this time he can hardly contain himself and shits out 94 grapes laced with fecal matter, the farmer turns beet red! points the gun at him, and says " before you see god, i gotta ask one thing,..... what the hell is so **** funny?", the guy looks at the farmer and points at his friend with an unsteady hand and says......................................

see him over there?......... hes pickin watermelons!!!!

 

[i need advice]

whats the difference in a grandma and a baby?

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a grandma dosnt die when you **** it up the ass

 

[fasfocus00 5,000+ posts]

what's the difference between toilet paper and toast?

toast is brown on both sides

 

[on1wheel01 10+ year member]

whats the difference in a grandma and a baby?.

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a grandma dosnt die when you **** it up the ass

wow not funny guy

 

[bunkerking09 10+ year member]

why doesn't mexico have drivers-ed and sex-ed on the same day?

the donkey can't take it

 

[sexyvic1 10+ year member]

here is the best one.... hope no one posted it already.

whats the opposite of christopher reeves ?

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christopher walken

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/imdaman.gif.bc6c552e19aa4ad8c47461144f40eb1a.gif

 

[soloXgt 10+ year member]

Might have to be from Buffalo to know this one

What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common??

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They both make bad Hunters

 

[DBfan187 5,000+ posts]

Lawyer: Did you blow your horn or anything?

Witness: After the accident?

Lawyer: Before the accident.

Witness: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Lawyer: How old is your son? The one living with you.

Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can''t remember which.

Lawyer: How long has he lived with you?

Witness: Forty-five years.

Lawyer: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?

Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Lawyer: And why did that upset you?

Witness: My name is Susan.

Lawyer: How was your first marriage terminated?

Witness: By death.

Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated?

Lawyer: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?

Witness: We both do.

Lawyer: Voodoo?

Witness: We do.

Lawyer: You do?

Witness: Yes, voodoo.

Lawyer: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

Witness: Yes.

Lawyer: And what were you doing at that time?

Lawyer: What is your date of birth?

Witness: July fifteenth.

Lawyer: What year?

Witness: Every year.

Lawyer: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?

Witness: Yes.

Lawyer: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?

Witness: Yes, sir.

Lawyer: What did she say?

Witness: She said ''What disco am I at?''

Lawyer: Mr. Smith, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?

Witness: I went to Europe, Sir.

Lawyer: And you took your new wife?

Lawyer: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

Witness: Yes.

Lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Lawyer: She had three children, right?

Witness: Yes.

Lawyer: How many were boys?

Witness: None.

Lawyer: Were there any girls?

Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

Witness: Yes.

Lawyer: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

Witness: I forget things.

Lawyer: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Lawyer: Can you describe the individual you saw?

Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Lawyer: Was this a male, or a female?

 

[dumple 5,000+ posts]

knock knock

whos there

my gun

my gun who

my gun is robbing you

(proceed to steal all there goodies)

 

[Acidburn 5,000+ posts]

knock knock

who's there?

9/11

9/11 who?

you said you'd never forget!

 

[hornedfrog1985 5,000+ posts]

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies, and a Cadillac?

97gp doesn't have a Caddy in his garage.